Suet

Suet

By

Leo de Natale

Illustrations by Vince Giovannucci

          We are living in an age of intolerance. Political, religious, cultural.  As each year goes by the schisms seem to widen.  The divisiveness has been exacerbated by a plague that has gripped the world for nearly twelve months.  Isolation, fear, depression, suicide and wide-scale unemployment have added fuel to the fire.

We have all witnessed the change. Can’t do this, can’t do that, can’t eat here, can’t go there. It’s incredible how swiftly life as we know it has been transformed. People are searching for diversions to pass the time that will aid us during the plague and pestilence.

Me? I was fortunate to receive a Christmas present from my sister-in-law, Terri. It was a suet bird feeder and one slab of her homemade greasy square of lard and crunchy stuff that would create its own Broadway show.

          Neither my wife nor I had ever had a suet feeder.  We used black sunflower seeds which attracted cardinals, juncos and  mundane sparrows.  A mouse infestation inside our house several years ago freaked us out.  Our birdwatching promptly ended.

          We’d hired a pest control company.  “Lose the feeder and the vermin go away,” a technician said. “Feeders are mice magnets.  I’m gonna install the poison boxes in your basement JIC.”

          Out of isolation and boredom, we succumbed to the temptation of luring songbirds to our deck.  It had been a couple of years, we thought, and the company performs periodic checks for mice and the usual summertime pests, carpenter ants.

Up went the feeder and we waited. And waited. After about three days, it was JFK International Airport! Downy Woodpeckers –never had seen them before—Blue Jays, Juncos, Starlings and Chicadees. It was as if we’d opened a crack house!

A Starling

          For several days, we sat in the dining room overlooking the back deck and reveled in watching our avian friends eat with gusto.  There was a hierarchy.  Blue jays, the biggest bird at the feeder were the schoolyard bullies.  “Screw!” they’d say as they pushed away the little guys. 

Or so we thought. Turns out the Starlings were the street gang members. It wasn’t uncommon to observe them with their winter plumage of black with white flecks. These thugs began pecking away at the suet. To our surprise, even Mr. Blue Jay gave obeisance to them. Three or four Starlings would assault Jay with their shiv-like beaks. Jay would fly away and wait in queue.

 “Hey, this is my turf, asshole!” one Starling would squawk to another.

 The pugnacious Starlings  battled amongst themselves for position and reminded me of the juvenile delinquents in the film Blackboard Jungle.   Woodpeckers  – they have this beautiful red stripe on their heads –  and Juncos with their gray bodies and white chest – would patiently wait their turn.   Blue Jay would then reappear  and shoo away  the Juncos.  They, too, were very bellicose among their species.   One Junco gave two vicious pecks and resumed feeding.  Several minutes later it was he who was kicked off the greasy mountain.

The Woodpeckers were solitary, only one bird at a time. They were patient and would wait until the crowd thinned. Each species had an arrival and departure time. It was always survival of the fittest. Some arrived the in morning, others in the afternoon.

We began using binoculars and would observe the birds’ eating habits. Some jabbed away at crunchy peanut butter; others preferred cornmeal. Sometimes it was difficult to determine which recipe component was preferred. The suet’s main ingredient was leaf lard, the unctuous glue that was mixed with the various nuts, cornmeal and sugar. My sister-in-law had included the recipe but warned It was messy to prepare.

Not surprisingly, the suet was consumed in less than one week. My wife and I decided to prepare a batch of this avian cornucopia. We discovered a major glitch: leaf lard was unavailable in our area supermarkets.

          “We just don’t have any,” a butcher told us. “Not much call for  a tub of lard these days.  I couldn’t tell you where to find it.”

Disappointed, we sought the best alternative. A local market sold commercial bird suet. There were various recipes that contained similar ingredients. We bought one whose label boasted “Attracts All Winter Birds”.

          We installed the new batch and waited.   After five days, no birds had visited.  Hmm.  Something’s wrong with this suet.  The store gladly accepted a swap.  This time, we selected the one that claimed “Woodpeckers Love This!!!”

It took a while but a few days later our woodpecker friend returned and pecked away at the suet. In no time the Starling gang was back but apparently weren’t as enthusiastic.

          “Hey, what is this cheap shit in the feeder?!” they seemed to complain.  “Bring back the lard!”

They boycotted for several days but thought differently after an Arctic blast brought temperatures of 5 degrees Fahrenheit. The wind chill made it feel like -10 degrees. The flocks resumed eating. Any port in a storm.

My wife and I love watching these avian performances from the comfort of our dining room. With binoculars in hand, we’ll continue to enjoy observing the challenges of birds’ lives. For them, survival is harsh. They freeze their cloacas off in winter and endure brutal summertime heat. Brave little creatures who perhaps inspired Thomas Hobbes’s famous line, “Life is nasty, brutish and short.”

          Let’s hope 2021 will be a better year for birds on wing and their human admirers.

Addendum

Terri’s Bird Suet

1 1/3 Cup Lard

1 Cup of Crunchy Peanut Butter

2 Cups of Quick Oats

2 Cups of Yellow Cornmeal

1Cup of Flour

1/3 Cup of Sugar

Super Suet

Optional: Use 1 Cup of Yellow Cornmeal and 1 Cup of Songbird Seed

Melt lard and peanut butter in a large pot.  Turn off heat.  Stir in remaining ingredients at little at a time.  Spoon mixture into trays or shallow pan.  Press down forms.  You can refrigerate, then cut into shape of your feeder, wrap in plastic wrap and freeze in zip lock bags for later use.

Tip: Line your containers with plastic wrap or parchment paper so you may lift out when cooled.  It keeps suet from breaking into pieces.