Deus Ex Machina

Deus Ex Machina

By

Leo de Natale

         Illustration by Vince Giovannucci

I am old and  often contemplate the dehumanization we are experiencing at the hand of modern technology, specifically the ever increasing hydra-like control  the internet, computers and cell phones have over human beings.

          I’m not completely intimidated by social media, the internet, the constantly changing computer or software technology. I can adequately navigate through cyberspace but, like so many in my aging Baby Boomer generation, there’s an intimidation factor.  With increasing frequency, we’re becoming roadkill.  There’s one basic fear:  pushing the wrong button and, poof !, there’s a figurative explosion and you lose your emails, your texts and everything. I often think of the Dirty Harry quip,”A man’s gotta know his limitations.” We live in mortal fear of losing all data while the devices turn to dreck.

          Probably one of the most annoying aspects of cyberworld is the dreaded PASSWORD!  I’ve tried to use one basic password but the websites/servers seem to be constantly and arbitrarily changing: “Your password is not recognized”, “Forgot your password?,  Click here and reset” or, my favorite, “Are you a robot?”. “No!,” I respond, “Are you?”.   A broken man, I reset the password and it works–at least once.  But on a subsequent access it’s back to ground zero.  “Password not recognized”.   MIPS.  MIPS. It is so Devo.

          Of course more companies/websites are heavily relying on the annoying QR code, a Rorschachian symbol that permits entry into connections to many websites.  And I laugh phoning Apple because the android voice sounds eerily similar to HAL, the robotic voice in the classic film 2001: A Space Odyssey:  “Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?” The cybernet  seems to say “I am your master.  You will do as told or will be denied entry.”

          Cyberspace is totally obtrusive and the more it’s used the more you realize what a hydra it has become.  It wraps its tentacles around us.  There was a time pre-computer/cell phones when humans weren’t constantly bombarded with junk mail, scams, hustles.  No one worried about being hacked or having identity theft.  In a mere quarter century, it has become the pleasure vs. pain experience circa 2025 and counting.

          My most recent clash with this pervasive phenomenon pertained to a pedestrian event:  my wife and I needed a new refrigerator.  The old Frigidaire was leaking and we proactively decided to replace it before the deluge and a refrigerator full of spoiled food.  There was a quick trip to Home Depot where Clarice, a frumpy middle-aged woman with technicolor shoulder length hair guided us through the various models and manufacturers. Her fingernail polish was flaking; some fingers had no polish.  Not a pretty look.

          “This LG model here is the most popular French door ‘fridge,” she said with a thick Boston accent. “We sell a lot of these ones.”

She was actually very pleasant and helpful and $2,000 later we were the proud owner of a new stainless steel LG Super Freeze model made in Korea (the Koreans have usurped appliance manufacturing – LG, Samsung produce and sell most refrigerators, televisions, washing machines et al).  

“And remembah, the LG has a twelve month extended warranty but you gotta go online to registah,” she said with some forewarning.

The unit arrived and had new bells and whistles.  One notable feature was punishment for not closing the refrigerator and freezer doors.  Fifteen seconds is all I got before ear ringing beeps yelled “close the door!”.

The stainless steel unit was slick and shiny, the interior was well designed.  After delivery, I started to notice little things that slip by when selecting an appliance.  Plastic trays on the doors were thinner and chintzy.  There was no rubber padding on shelves, so bottles and containers created unanticipated noise.  Quality used to be a watchword for household items but it’s the old story you pay more for something but it’s manufactured with inferior materials.  Of course I’m talking like a grumpy old man (“I remember in my day things were different!” blah blah blah).  Each generation succumbs to curmudgeonliness.

          Once our food was placed inside the refrigerator, it was time to register the unit and apply for the warranty benefit.  There was a time you could do this by telephone and speak to a human.  Today, you’re on your own.  The first hint there’d be gnashing of teeth occurred when the owner’s manual informed my wife and me there were data on the refrigerator wall detailing the process.  On the refrigerator’s left wall there was a 3×8 sticker that contained the usual – model number, serial number etc.  Also included was the aforementioned QR code, the increasingly ubiquitous symbol used by just about anything associated with the internet.

          Placing my cell phone in front of the QR’s squares and squiggles, I focused the symbol and was immediately shunted to a LG website with further instructions.  I was told to download a corporate app called “LG ThinQ”.   Switching to my laptop, I arrived at LG’s website, the vehicle for establishing an account and services provided.  I doggedly followed the usual prompts – name, email, address, telephone number. “Are you a new account?” the prompt asked.  Yes I am.   “You must register and provide – you guessed it – a password”.  Oh no, here we go again!

I knew the routine: password must contain a minimum of 8 characters; You must use at least one capitalized letter, a numeral and a character # or !, etc.  I dutifully typed in Sarge123! (we always use this password honoring Sarge, our first German Shepherd Dog).  Of course you are required to re-type the password for “security reasons”.  I received a stern message saying “This password is weak.  You must provide a stronger combination of numerals and letters!”.

 I retyped another password and was rewarded.   Like Ali Baba, the website opened. 

I then proceeded to complete the warranty application.  A creepy,  Orwellian phenomenon appeared before my eyes.  As I typed my surname the entire field was immediately filled.   The screen automatically included my address and zip code and then incredibly showed the last four digits of my credit card.   This has occurred before and my reaction is  wow!,  how  do they harvest this information, especially from a website I’ve never before visited?  This occurrence was eery and scary. I guess it really has come to pass.  Big Brother is watching you and all I could think of was H. G. Wells’ morlocks from his novel The Time Machine.  The subterranean ghouls control the robotic earth dwellers who are comatose and walk aimlessly while staring into their cell phones. I thought of young people today who cross streets without looking up or ride bicycles and simultaneously texting.

 For example, I recently was stopped at a red light.  A pimply-faced kid was driving a Vespa motor scooter.  With the scooter’s  green light flashing, he takes a left. His girlfriend is riding behind him on the guest seat.  Instead of paying attention and perhaps enjoying the ride she was- what else?- gazing at her cell phone.  We are doomed.

The only thing worse was watching  another kid following the Vespa  riding his electric bike.  Traveling at about 20 mph, he was helmetless and, simaltaneiously, texting and pulling wheelies.  He’ll eventually become an organ donor.  His young heart, lungs, kidneys and corneas will find a healthy home.

Of course, I just received an email from LG.  A reverberating circuit  informed  me the password was not recognized and then prompted me with the question “Forgot password?  Press here.”. Start from square one.

Dammit,   getting old is not fun.   I feel like yelling, “Hey!  Get off the grass!!!”.      Computers, phones, tablets are consuming more time and energy as we slouch towards the Wasteland.

 I wish it were 1965 again!!!!

“Arrrghh!!